oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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