you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
