Need sex. Gaining weight.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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