I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
