Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
