It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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