I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
