we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize