Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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