It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
