you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
