this just has baby written all over it
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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