I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
