somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Alive.
So much puke
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
