some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
