Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
And then he peed in my hair
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