I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
