I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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