The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize