Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
