fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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