rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
