I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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