saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
