So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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