So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
