I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
