He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
