And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
