I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize