maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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