Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
