Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
