I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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