I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
