In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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