i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
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