I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
