Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
