this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
