remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
