I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
