She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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