If that was your dad, he is hot
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize