Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
