trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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