Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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