Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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