Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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