He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
