I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
