I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
third nipple confirmed
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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