There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
