Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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