you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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