ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
