Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
