just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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