the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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