So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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