Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
