So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize