I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
