Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize