His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
