I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
