i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
