what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Randomize
