then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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