idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
