I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
