so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize
