got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
