You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
