i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
