Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
