new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
