ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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