I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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