You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
