What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
