I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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