I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
