his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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