Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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