So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
