Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
