I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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