i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Randomize
