Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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