Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize