Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
